Chapter 1
She was on her way to see Angel. They would meet at a special place from time to time. It was a little hotel about an hour away from town. Funny she never realized it was exactly halfway between Sunnydale and LA.
They ripped her out of heaven and for what? Willow so proud of herself. She was the one that found the spell and convinced everyone to help. It was all Willow's idea to rescue her from that hell dimension. She smiled her proud Willow smile. Buffy used every ounce of strength she had not to hit her. They didn't even try to find out where I was. Why would I go to hell? I was the slayer I died to save the Earth, to save Dawn. Dawnie, my Dawnie, it was all for her, to keep her safe and in this world. Now, she was back here in this hell and Dawn went back to wherever the monks stole her from. They took her the same way they gave her. How could they do that? She was real, she was mine, made from me, from Summers' blood. I wanted to scream and yell and hit something, someone. If I had to come back, couldn't I have at least come back to Dawn?
Angel will understand, he will take me in his arms, like he used to and it will all be all right. He held me when I lost Mommy. He was there for me then and will be here for me now. I know he will know what I am going through just by looking at me. Angel always understood me even when I didn't.
Buffy pulled up and got out of the car, her mom's SUV. She smiled remembering finally getting her license. Joyce, Dawn and Buffy had celebrated. Dawn made jokes that they would all go with full bellies. She shook her head to clear it of the memories overloading her mind. Buffy saw Angel's car was already there.
Buffy walked up and knocked on door #7, lucky #7. She smiled when Angel opened the door to let her in the room. He moved to the other side of the room and merely looked at her. Buffy shut the door with confusion written on her face.
"You look well," he said politely.
Her head jerked as if he slapped her at his tone. It was as if he was talking to a stranger or something. Why is he way over there? Why aren't his arms around me, holding me? "That's a nice lie, Angel. I look awful but I am getting better. Takes a lot out of a girl to come back after 4 months, it is hard on the hair and nails." Buffy joked not knowing how to take this Angel.
"Buffy! Don't make jokes. I know what it is like in hell. What it does to you, you can talk to me if you want. I will understand," Angel told her.
Now she heard pity in his voice and something else was in his eyes. She hadn't noticed it at first but she saw it now. He didn't want to be here. He was doing his duty, the right thing according to Angel. "Like you said, Angel; you know what it is like, no reason to talk about it now. I want to forget leave it all behind me. I'm glad you called and wanted to see me. I'm sure you wanted to be sure that it wasn't a hoax. So, how is everyone else? Is Cordelia still working for you?"
"Yes, Cordy is a great help. Her visions guide us to who we need to help. Then we go out and help them. I have a great team with Wes, Gunn, Lorne and, I guess, Fred now. I rescued her from Pylea, where Lorne comes from. Cordy was pulled into a portal and we went in to get her. I had to fight their champion for her, some dork named Groo. Isn't that a stupid name? Anyway, Cor, um, Cordy was their princess. You should have seen her outfit. It was some kind of metal bikini thing." He stopped talking for a minute remembering the skimpy outfit.
"Go on Angel, what happened next?" Buffy prompted as she watched this stranger before her.
"Oh yeah, anyway we came back in my car crashing into Lorne's club. So, we are all back together, like it should be. I'm sure Cordy will help Fred adjust to being here. She has changed so much, Buffy. You wouldn't recognize her." Angel realized he had been rambling on. "Yes, she is still working with me."
"And you charge people to help them?" Buffy asked quietly.
"Oh, just the ones that can afford it, that was Cordy's idea too. She is right; we do have to make a living."
Buffy tried to hide the shock on her face. "Sure, well I can see that you are doing well. I'm happy for you, Angel. I'm glad that you called but you better head back now, so you can make it before you get sunburn. Goodbye Angel." Buffy turned walking towards the door.
"Buffy, wait, don't you want to talk, you know about being in hell?"
She shook her head. "No, I think we have talked enough tonight. Maybe I'll stop and say hi if I'm ever in LA." Buffy continued out the door getting in her car. Angel walked out the door watching her as she pulled away. He waved but she ignored the gesture. Tears were blinding her sight; she saw an all-night diner and pulled in.
Chapter 2
Buffy walked to the back and called Giles asking him to meet her. She moved over to a booth, ordered a pot of coffee and waited. It was obvious her Angel was gone. The one who held her at the funeral must have been all that remained of him. The Angel she met tonight was a man she didn't recognize. Not just his feelings for Cordelia but the way he was leading his life. Well, she had her own to figure out. He wasn't hers anymore, if he ever really was.
Tears ran down Buffy's face. A linen handkerchief waved in front of her face. Looking up she saw Giles' kind face. She took it from him as he sat down waiting for her to talk. A pot of tea was sat down in front of him. Buffy thanked the waitress by name. Her innate kindness towards others always surprised Giles.
"Please, let me get all the way to the end before you ask any questions, okay?"
"As you wish, dear girl" he smiled, squeezing her hand.
Buffy explained everything to him, even every word said between her and Angel. "Buffy, I am so sorry. I knew they never should have done that spell. It was way beyond her range and control. I merely hoped it would turn out all right because you seemed to be adjusting. You were distant but I put that down to shock," he sighed.
"Well you were right. I was in shock just for a different reason. Giles, I can't go back, not now, maybe not ever. I don't feel right anymore, not like myself. I don't fit in my own skin; it's too tight. I gave everything I had for over five years and lost everything. There is nothing left to give. If I don't go and find myself again, you may as well just shoot me. It would be kinder than the hell I'm living. I'm sorry Giles for disappointing you. It must seem like I am running away from my problems."
"Buffy," Giles tried to interrupt.
"Just let me finish please. I'm trying to run towards something but I won't know what, until I find it. I just know it isn't in Sunnydale, not right now. I hope, in time I can come back to you, to the Scoobies, but not now." She caught her breath.
"Can I speak now?" Buffy nodded stealing herself for his words of disappointment. "You have never disappointed me. I will stay on as long as needed. You have taken on so much over the years. You deserve this time. Take however long you need just promise to keep in touch, so I know you are safe. Now, how much money will you need?"
His question confused Buffy and it showed on her face. "None, Mom left me set up financially. Since no one knows I died, the money is all still in a trust. I'll draw from that," she explained.
"But, I thought Willow would have told you that you are all but broke. Tara and Willow have been living in the house to keep the bot going and used the household account money and it was almost gone," he told her, concern shining in his eyes.
"Well, for one she didn't know about it. Another is why would they need to know what my mother left me? Mom only kept a certain amount in the household account. Her paychecks went there then split off to different account. Since no new money was coming in and them spending it, I'm sure there was a dent put in it but there still should have been plenty. I don't understand it. An insurance policy paid the house off, so there weren't any mortgage payments. Oh well, it doesn't matter now. They can stay there and you can too. Just pay the utilities and keep the place up, no rent needed. I would hate for it to be empty," she smiled sadly.
"I will take care of everything, don't give it another thought. What about your clothes and things?"
"When I find a place, I will send for the most important things. Thanks Giles; I knew I could count on you." She squeezed his hand.
"You always can Buffy. Please be careful and call me often for anything day or night, promise." He pleaded with her.
"I will Giles, I promise, but only you for now, anyways. I just can't talk to anyone else." Buffy stood and walked him to his car. He drove away and she crawled into the SUV and started driving.
Chapter 3
Buffy drove until she could barely see then found a hotel. The next day she found a bank, withdrew some money then did some shopping. She bought some necessities - jeans, shirts, socks, underwear. Finding a map in the glove box, she spread it on the bed. Looking over it, she decided to go to Arizona. It wasn't too far away but far enough. She hoped she could learn to breathe again there.
Buffy took her time driving, stopping each night to sleep peacefully. She finally drove into Scottsdale, several days later. It was a beautiful city. There was a little of everything. Mountains and a dessert off in the distant, also, lot of resorts and an art community. She bought a paper and looked for an apartment. Eating at a diner, she circled a few that looked promising. She found a furnished studio owned by a nice older lady.
Buffy went to buy groceries and a cell phone. I will call Giles, later. Unloading everything into the fridge, she spread the paper out on her new table. She needed a job, now. She was becoming a whole big grown up. Several looked interesting; she would go tomorrow and start putting in applications.
The next morning found her at the first job she thought she might be able to do. It was at a martial arts studio. Buffy thought it would be interesting to teach for a change.
Walking in there was a man with chestnut brown hair and eyes standing behind the desk. "Hello, my name is Robert Simmons. Can I help you?"
"I'm here about the job," Buffy replied.
"Seriously?" His eyebrows went up when Buffy nodded. "What kind of experience do you have?"
"Five years of tai chi, Tai Kwan Do, Karate, Judo, swords, staffs, sticks, num chucks and have reached the expert level in all." Buffy wrinkled her nose trying to think if she has left anything out.
"Okay, enough already. How about we spar? I will evaluate you and we will go from there." Buffy walked beside him looking at the dojo, which was set up very nice. There were four separate sections with one for the more experienced students. The walls behind it were covered with different types of weapons. Robert stopped then pointed to an area not far away. "You can leave your bag over there."
She returned and they bowed to each other. He started out with tai chi, Buffy moved with him easily letting the world fall away. Robert quickly changed to karate throwing a right punch and round off kick at her. She blocked him as he flowed from one discipline to another. Moving them toward the wall, he grabbed a staff. Buffy jumped over a downward strike, flipping over him to kick a staff off the wall and into her hand.
They began a series of blows that were so quick the wood rang. She stayed on the defense of each of his blows. She twisted low and under to come in close to his body. With a downward strike of the staff, she disarmed him as the other end rested under his chin.
"Very good, what is your name and when can you start?"
"I'm Elizabeth Anne Summers but I go by Liz. I can start tomorrow. What time should I be here? How many classes would I be teaching? What are their ages and levels of experience?"
He smiled at her enthusiasm. "Don't you want to know how much?"
Buffy blushed then smiled back at him. "Oh yeah, how much do I make?"
He laughed at the tiny blond. "You teach two classes a day, three times a week, morning and evening. There will be two classes of each level to start. Maybe more if needed in the future and each class pays $100. The students will all vary in age. Sound okay?"
"Yep, can do, what time is the first class?"
"Ten o'clock." Robert smiled at her when she sighed.
"Oh good, I was afraid you would say something crazy like 7 or 8. See ya tomorrow, boss." Buffy waved, as she all but skipped out of the building.
She stopped to buy clothes that would be comfortable for work. Buffy was so excited, her first real job. She called Giles as soon as she got home. He picked up and she started to ramble off everything. "It is so cool Giles. Can you imagine me teaching people martial arts? Robert is really nice and I don't even work more than three days a week. How is everything there? I'm sorry, I should have asked you that first, my bad."
"Everything is fine here dear. I think you will make a fine instructor. We miss you though. I am so glad that you are doing so well."
Chapter 4
Everything wasn't fine in Sunnydale but Buffy didn't need to know that. Just as he hung up the phone, he realized that Willow heard the end of his conversation.
"Was that Buffy? Is she coming home now?" Hope was shining in her eyes that everything Giles told her was wrong.
"No Willow, she isn't. Buffy may never come home. If she chooses to return I promise to tell you." Giles tried to convince the red headed witch.
"You probably told her to stay away to punish me more," she grumbled.
"Willow, I did no such thing," he scolded.
"Right, I know she was in heaven and I ripped her out. Bad Willow, mean Willow. I thought she was in HELL, so did you," she yelled at him.
"No Willow, I didn't. Had you asked me, I would have told you. You mixed in magic you were not prepared for; magic you had no business doing, which no one should ever do. I blame myself partially. Knowing your curiosity and thirst for knowledge, I should have worked harder to give or get you proper training. I just never presumed of anyone that you, of all people, would go so far. I expected better from you. I would be happy to start your training so nothing like this should ever occur in the future."
"I don't need training Giles. I already know magic, lots of it. What could you teach me?"
He looked at her incredulously. "Control and discipline, Willow! Talk to Tara and see if she doesn't feel the same way. Her mother taught her. Please consider it." Giles walked up the stairs leaving her in the kitchen.
Willow waved her hand, opening the refrigerator door and a coke flew into it. She wasn't even looking as she grabbed it from the air. "I have control and discipline. I go to school, patrol, and help everyone all the time. So, I use magic to help sometimes. It's not like I can't do without it," she muttered to herself. Her empty coke can flew into the recycle bin as she walked out of the room.
She was still angry with Giles for yelling at her about using up the money in the household account. He had told her and Tara they would have to pay towards the upkeep of the house. Buffy put him in charge of the household finances. Why should they have to pay? They kept her house from being sold and took care of the bot. Giles accused them of squandering the money. Anya told her she was spending the money foolishly. Stupid Anya all she cares about is money. There had been lots of money in the account and I only used it only for expenses for the house.
She redid Joyce's room for her and Tara. It would have been spooky to sleep there with things belonging to a dead woman. Willow redecorated the entire room: new bedding, curtains, paint, pictures and accessories. Then of course, she had to do the bathroom because now they didn't match. When she was almost finished, she realized the tiles didn't match her color scheme, and they had to be changed. Xander gave her a great deal on the beautiful marble tiles. So there Giles, I only used that money on the house. See, you don't know what you are talking about; you are just a poophead.
When the basement flooded there was enough money left over, to put in a new tub. Xander knew someone and saved her a lot of money. Willow split the money with Xander. She used her portion to buy her and Tara a huge tub. She smiled thinking of all the baths they had taken in it. That was where she was going now. Maybe if I am lucky my honey will come home and join me.
Chapter 5
Buffy had been at the dojo for about three months now and was enjoying it. Giles mailed her some of her clothes, Mr. Gordo and pictures from around the house. She was panicking though a small picture from her mom's room wasn't there. It was the first piece of real art her mother ever owned. Joyce told her, she saved for two years to be able to buy something real, when she finally graduated from college.
She called Giles at the Magic Shop and Anya answered. "Can I speak to Giles please?" Buffy hoped Anya wouldn't recognize her voice.
"Buffy, is that you? Hey, everyone Buffy is on the phone. Giles is right here, hold on. Just don't talk too long; we are running a business here."
Giles sighed, "Anya, do hand me the phone. Hello dear, did you get your things? What? No, I asked and Tara didn't know how to find it? Let me ask Willow, hold on a minute. Willow, there was a small picture on the wall in Joyce's room by the windows. Do you know where it is?"
"When I redid the bedroom I put all of that stuff down in the basement," Willow answered.
"She put everything of your mother's in the basement. Buffy, please calm down. I will find out and call you back. I'm sure that it will all turn out fine." Giles tried to reassure her as he hung up the phone. "Willow did you pack all the things up properly?"
She looked away before answering. "Well not really, we just kinda put them down there in an empty space."
He walked over to stand in front of her. "Now, let me get this all straight in my mind. You moved into Buffy's home, into her mother's room. Stripped that room bare and refurbished it. I'm guessing from the household accounts. Then you took Joyce's personal belongings and rather than packing them up properly. You dumped them on the floor, which has since flooded ruining everything, which by the way was not yours to do with as you pleased," he roared.
Willow nodded as Tara glared at her. When Tara moved in the room had already been redone; she had offered to help pay. Willow told her that she already took care of it. It was a gift for her, for them. When the pipes broke and Xander helped fix them, Tara was thrilled with the new tub. Buffy thanked them all for their help. She asked if anything got ruined, but Willow and Xander told her only some old junk that had been there for a while. Buffy never went into the room, while she was still in Sunnydale. She told Tara that she just couldn't face it, yet.
"Don't yell at her Giles, it was an accident. What is the big deal about the picture?" Xander defended his friend.
"It was priceless to Buffy. The first piece of art Joyce ever bought. It was also from what I understand worth a bit of money."
"Oh, then I know how to fix this. All you have to do is file an addendum with the insurance company and they will pay you. I'm sure Buffy would rather have a nice big check than some old picture." Anya grinned happy to have been able to help.
"What is wrong with all of you? Didn't you hear me? It was priceless to Buffy, irreplaceable. No Anya, she doesn't want a check. She wanted something that meant a great deal to her mother." Ripper looked out from his eyes. "I don't know how I will tell her. She will be heartbroken."
"I will tell her. I'm the one that threw it out so I should tell her," Willow said. She would finally get a chance to speak with Buffy. She would come home Willow knew it if she could just talk to her.
"I'm sorry, Willow. I promised not to give out her number to anyone. She will contact you when she wants to talk with you." Giles marched out of the store slamming the door.
"Of course she doesn't want to talk to us. We would tell her to quit feeling sorry for herself and come home," Xander complained.
"Xander, you shouldn't talk about her that way. She left because of what we did. Buffy isn't to blame we are," Tara said firmly. Xander and Willow looked at each other, almost reading the other's minds. She would come home she needed them.
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