Buffy often wondered what part a soul played in a person's life. She thought she understood it was the defining line between humans and demons. Angel turning into Angelus seemed to drive home that point. A harsh laugh escaped her lips at her own naiveté.
Heads turned to stare into the bus' shadows as the small girl made the first sound since climbing onto the bus in Sunnydale. No one realized what was happening as the bus filled with light. Screeching tires followed by shattering glass, then all went deathly silent. A lone bus lay on its side somewhere between Sunnydale and LA. The petroleum tanker that had lost control curled around the bus. Its cargo leaked out onto the lonely highway. A single spark igniting into flames would change many fates, forever.
A small body lay still in a room, with the only available light provided by a single candle. The sunken shadows under closed eyes lent the face a haunted appearance. Rapid movement beneath the lids was the only sign of life.
Sitting beside the bed was a man of untold years. He blended into the shadows until he spoke in a soft, melodious voice. "Remember, young warrior, remember in order to forget."
Buffy stopped outside the library doors with her hand frozen in place. She had started to enter what she thought of as her sanctuary when she overheard her best friends talking.
"She's lost it, Willow. First, she turns Angel into Angelus, and its all 'boohoo you don't understand.' Then, we blow up Big Blue, giving her the perfect chance to kill him. What does Buffy do? The big nada. We don't understand what it's like to kill someone you once loved. Well, I just have one thing to say - boo fucking hoo. What was Jessie? Huh, Willow? I guess he doesn't count, because Buffy didn't know him. She sure as hell knew Miss Calendar, though, didn't she. What about Giles? Doesn't she even care about him? Oh, I forgot, it's all about Buffy, because she's the Slayer," Xander said, practically screaming at his best friend.
"Xander," Willow said softly.
"Don't side with her and tell me to calm down." He paced the length of the library, wishing he could hit something without hurting himself.
"I'm not."
"Huh?" He stopped to stare at her in confusion.
"I'm not saying that, Xander. Buffy's messed up, big time. I hate to say it, but I'm glad Faith's here."
Buffy felt as if someone had staked her. Xander's reaction she could understand, to a degree. Willow's struck her to the core. Her best friend had always supported her, even if she didn't agree. She turned away from the doors, quietly walking away. A fissure ran straight through Buffy's soul. It created the first crack, weakening the foundation she needed to keep her balanced.
"I'm glad Faith is here to take care of this. I don't think Buffy can do it, and I'm not sure she'll survive if it comes down to it," Willow said. "Haven't you noticed we're losing her, Xander? A little more each day, and if something doesn't give soon, I'm afraid we'll lose her for good."
Xander wrapped his arms around her. "Nah, Willow, we won't let that happen. No matter what happens, we Scoobies hang together, even if we think someone's acting like a poophead. You'll see, the Buffster will come around, she always does."
Joyce Summers pounced the minute her daughter stepped through the door. "Dinner will be ready in an hour. We're going to sit down and have a long talk."
Buffy didn't say a word as she headed for her room. She looked around the bedroom, wondering what had happened to the girl who had happily slept here each night. Making her way over to the weapons box, she pulled out a bag and started filling it. All too soon, she heard her mother's voice calling her down to dinner.
The meal was a stifling affair. Joyce tried to carry on light dinner conversation. Buffy mentally counted the number of times her mother refilled her wine glass. The minute Joyce brought out homemade cheesecake. She knew trouble was on the way.
"What's going on, Mom?"
"I want you to tell me. I'm tired of being in the dark, Buffy. Something has happened in your life and I want to know what it is." Joyce glared at the young girl she used to know so well.
Buffy took a deep breath, realizing her mother deserved an explanation. Especially, since tonight she planned to dust Angelus. "I'm a Vampire Slayer, Mom."
"Not that again," Joyce snorted, "tell me is it drugs, a gang, what?"
She searched her mother's eyes, hoping to see some sobriety, some light of understanding. "It's the truth. You just don't want to admit it. How many times have you washed blood from my clothes? Heard me sneak back in at night, of course, that's if you weren't passed out already."
Joyce jumped from her chair, knocking over her wineglass in the process. "How dare you talk to me that way, young lady? I work hard to put a roof over your head, not to mention all the times I'm dragged to the school about you. Is it any wonder I find myself needing a glass of wine to relax, having to deal with a daughter…" Her jaw snapped shut before she finished the sentence.
"With what, Mom, a daughter like me? Sorry, to disappoint. Life hasn't been a bowl of cherries for me, either. I didn't choose to be a Slayer, called the Chosen One for a reason. Look, I'm sorry this is hard for you. It was hard for me at first, too. Hell, it still is." She gave her mother a soft, sad smile.
"I don't accept that. You're a minor and I forbid you to be this, this Slayer person anymore, young lady. You're grounded. Tomorrow I'm calling your father, and you're going back to LA, away from this nonsense." Joyce gave her a smile that said she considered the issue resolved. Buffy slowly stood up from the table, and calmly started toward the front door. "Buffy Anne Summers where do you think you're going? Upstairs, right now, young lady," she shouted."
"You can ground me tomorrow. Tonight, I have to go kill a really bad vampire before he decides to kill more of my friends, or you." She opened the door, pausing to add as an afterthought. "Drink some more wine, you'll forget about this conversation, like all the rest."
Joyce shoved the dishes onto the floor in anger. "Don't speak to me that way. You've always been disrespectful, only caring about what makes you happy. If you ever thought about anyone else, your father and I would still be married. I'm warning you, Buffy, if you step out that door, don't bother coming back. I've had enough. Try your father, if you feel in need of parental support. I'm done with you."
A second fissure shot through Buffy, joining the first. She clutched below her heart at her body's center. Each step she took away from Revello Drive eased the pain.
Faith prowled Restfield Cemetery, itching for a good slay. So far, the vampires weren't cooperating. She didn't get this day. Giles was a no show at school. B went to class, but no one had seen her since. Red and X were acting like her new best friends. It was enough to drive a Slayer batty.
Dark eyes followed the shape moving swiftly through the graveyard. A smirk twisted sensual lips into a cruel smile. Nostrils flared as the breeze brought a heady scent wafting through the air. "Mmm. Fe-fi-fo-fum I smell the blood of a Slayer, yum," a husky voice whispered.
"Come on out, Fang. I know you're here somewhere. You aren't scared of little ole me are ya? Come on, don't you wanna know what it's like to try on a real Slayer?" Her taunt lay open and clear in the cool night air.
Faith stepped into the moonlight. Her body tensed as she saw the vampire emerge from the shadows. She had to admit that B had good taste, too bad about the no pulse thing. A heartbeat was a definite have to in her book for a sex friend.
Angelus smiled when he felt Buffy enter the cemetery. He had intended to drain the dark Slayer and leave her naked body on Buffy's lawn. A much better plan came to mind with the blonde Slayer as witness to the interlude. Moving faster than Faith expected, Angelus knocked the stake from her hand and wrapped her firmly in his arms. He forced her eyes up, catching them in the dark pools of his Angelic face.
"Be in me; see what I wish, be in my eyes." His voice held a hypnotic quality she couldn't resist, even if had she wanted to.
Faith found herself held by her dream lover. Her heart rate increased as her body immediately responded to his closeness. A sultry smile graced her lips. "Hello, handsome, wanna play?"
The dark vampire gave her a sensual smile, sensing the petite slayer draw closer. "How could any man resist a woman, a real woman like you, Faith?"
Buffy's stake fell from her hand when she saw Faith and Angelus kissing. She shook her head, hoping to clear the image from her mind. It didn't. The girl, who had come to her to town, bragging about how she loved the whole Slayer deal, stood in her ex-lover's embrace. She was caught in a nightmare, any minute she would wake up and find herself snuggled in her bed with Mr. Gordo. She watched Angelus tenderly brush Faith's long dark hair away from her face. Then, she heard the words that told her the nightmare was real, and only just beginning.
"In all my two hundred and fifty years on this earth, I've never felt this way about another woman. I want you, Faith, no its more, I need you in my life," he purred sensually, sprinkling kisses along her jugular as his dark eyes peered into the night, hoping to catch a glance of the elusive blonde. "I believe I'm falling for you, Faith, but after Buffy, it's hard to trust a Slayer again." The way he stared into her eyes, if she had any, she would've sold her children should he ask. His smile turned predatory as he pulled her close.
She arched her back, pressing their lower bodies closer. "I love you," she said, in that smokey voice of hers, pulling his head down to her hungry lips. When she pulled away for air, she asked the hated question. "What about, B? I thought she was the one."
He continued to caress her body in response, while giving her a careless shrug. "She intrigued Angel, made him feel human. She's too much of a child. I need a 'real' woman in my life, an equal - you."
Faith had never felt so turned on before. She ordinarily controlled the play, which was fine by her - Get Some, Get Gone. She didn't know what had changed and she didn't care, all she knew was she wanted her life to include the dark haired vampire. "Yes, kiss me, please." She arched further into his touch.
Buffy ran from the cemetery pulling the claddagh ring from her finger, clutching her middle as if she had been cut in half. Angelus' words echoed on the night air. He had exploited every tender moment she had ever shared with Angel, perverting them to seduce Faith's lush body. She felt as if she stood on a frozen pond as it broke. The cracks grew into tendrils, reaching out, intent on destroying the foundation under her feet.
Angelus felt Buffy leave, smiled at Faith and knocked her out cold. He picked her up threw her over his shoulder, heading from the cemetery toward his ex's house. His eyes caught something gleaming in the grass. He bent down to pick it up, and he realized it was Buffy's ring. His happy mood disappeared as a roar escaped his lips, scaring off any vampires within several square miles. He turned back to the Slayer lying unconscious at his feet. Unable to contain his fury, he pulled back his foot and kicked her in the ribs, smiling in satisfaction when he heard ribs crack. He turned away, leaving her where she lay, unwilling to pursue his game any longer. The ring had not been part of his plan. Now, he had a Slayer, a real Slayer to find and discipline.
She ran until she reached Giles' door. He was the one person she could invariably depend on to stand beside her. An odd feeling of deja vu raced across her skin. A trembling finger went to ring the bell, stopping when voices came through the door, battering her already bruised and splintered soul.
"Damnit, I won't," Giles snapped.
"Get it off your chest, Ripper."
Ready to kick down the door and save her Watcher from Ethan Rayne, her soul shattered completely, sending her into an emotionless abyss at Giles next words.
"Damn you, Buffy. Why couldn't you do your bloody job and kill Angelus. Jenny's dead because of you," Giles screamed at the top of his lungs.
Buffy turned away, slowly walking away from Giles' apartment. The last piece of ice holding her above the water cracked. She gasped as the pain hit her. They hated her for her failings, only happy when she did what pleased them. This last and final break was the worst. Giles was her lifeline, even more than Angel was. His support and approval guided her footsteps through life. He replaced the parental support, which was so sadly missing, as well as the empty spot left by Merrick's death. To have him blame her for Jenny's death was more than her fragile heart and soul could take on this particular day. The fissures created by the others hadn't reached her as she stood at the pond's frozen middle. Giles' crack on her soul widened the fissures until they raced at her like hungry beasts ready to devour her. She remained helpless where she stood, unable to prevent the pain or the breaking and tearing from shattering her soul completely. When the cracks met in the middle, the sound was horrible. It groaned, moaned, cracked as if it was a great dying beast, and maybe it was. Buffy only had a few seconds as the pain overtook her, unlike anything she had ever felt before. She fell to her knees, throwing back her head to scream. It was an unholy scream. The supernatural creatures, even the more sensitive humans, shook in fear at the sound. When she stopped screaming the pain stopped, she felt only numbness as she watched herself slip under the icy waters.
Behind the door, Giles collapsed to his knees wracked with sobs. Ethan placed a comforting arm around him. "Doesn't that feel better?"
He took a deep, steadying breath. "Yes, I have to admit it does. I'm only glad Buffy wasn't around to hear me. My Slayer has been through enough, and has even more to face with Angelus on the loose. She doesn't need to deal with my problems. Goodness knows she certainly doesn't need to think I blame her for Jenny's death. The only one to blame is that bastard Angelus."
"You know that and I know that, but Ripper needed to get it off his chest so he could get over it. Sometimes having an alter ego can be good; sometimes it's a bloody pain in the arse. Now, I know you have some good stuff around here, what say we get good and knackered before I have to hurry out of town so no one finds out I'm here." Ethan got up from the floor to rummage through Giles' liquor cabinet.
She went back to her home, climbed the tree to slip inside her bedroom window and went about gathering the belongings she'd packed earlier. Her bags loaded, Mr. Gordo placed securely inside, the Slayer said goodbye to Sunnydale.
Buffy gasped, sitting straight up in the bed. She shut her eyes, checking for injuries, but they flew back open when she realized she didn't feel any pain. Hazel eyes searched the room for anything that might tell her where she was. She found a nondescript room with a single bed. The feeling that she wasn't alone persisted. Buffy peered harder into the shadows, searching each corner carefully.
"Come out, whoever you are. I can't see you, but I sure as hell can feel you."
The old man appeared from the shadows, although appear didn't do justice to his entrance. He unfolded himself from them, extending himself from the darkness that clung to him lovingly to stand before her. "Very good, young warrior, you have passed the first test."
"Huh? There's a test for the hospital, now? Who are you and what are you doing hiding all creepy-like in the shadows?" She scooted backward until her back pressed against the headboard.
"My name is Master Chi. I have watched over you as you lay remembering."
"Uh, thanks, I think. Where am I?"
"This is the Land of Tween. Those who are not of the living are brought here until they decide."
"Decide what? If I'm not living," she said, her eyes going wide with understanding, "then I'm dead, right? So, what's to decide?" A thought entered her mind and burst from her lips. "I'm not going to Hell, am I?"
Master Chi laughed. If possible, Buffy's eyes grew even larger, seeming to encompass her face. She watched the room's shadows ripple merrily. Her arms wrapped around her waist to hide their trembling.
"No, my child that is not a place for one such as you. I am here to inquire if you are ready to die and rest in peace, as is your right."
"Do you mean Heaven?" she whispered softly. Tempted by everlasting peace.
He nodded gracefully, waiting for her to speak. When she remained quiet, he continued. "You have another option. I do not visit all those in the Tween, only those with a warrior's spirit, who might desire an opportunity to continue the fight for good."
She gazed at him gob smacked. This strange little man thought she wanted to keep fighting. Master Chi watched the emotions play across her face. This little warrior represented his greatest challenge yet.
His voice startled her from her thoughts. "Are you ready to cease to exist, young warrior?"
"No." The answer burst from her lips before she could stop it.
He gave her a soft smile, which she returned. "Listen to what I offer, then decide. I must warn you, there is no turning back once you have stepped onto this path." She nodded unable to form words, unsure what she would say even if she could.
"The Cosmos encompasses many dimensions. You Earth is but one. I have mentioned the Tween, but there is also the Land Above, many call Heaven among other names. There is also the Land Below, or for you, Hell. I come from the Land of Shadow, where I prepare warriors to guard gates between the dimensions across the Cosmos. Shadow Warriors do not interfere with internal strife between good and evil on each dimension. There are dimensional warriors for that. Warriors can aid them only if their battles cross over with ours. Shadow Warriors are like the Tween. We see the need for the dark and light. We maintain the balance by ensuring no other dimensions can access another to influence it."
Buffy's nose scrunched up as she took in everything the old man had told her. "Like Switzerland. Where were these Shadow Warriors when the Master tried to open the Hellmouth?" She stared at him, challenging his words, since no help had come to her.
"We were there. A Shadow Warrior would not have allowed the creature full access into your world. The Warrior could not interfere in your quest, since the demon opening the gate came from your world." Master Chi sighed, hating this particular rule as much as his warriors do.
"So, let me get this straight. Warriors can prevent others from coming to our world, or once there returning. But, they can't interfere if a warrior from Earth is already on the job."
"It is called balance. Shadow Warriors carry great power. If it were seen to weigh in favor toward a particular side…"
"I get it. The scale tips over and wackiness everywhere."
"Yes, young warrior, you learn swiftly." His eyes twinkled merrily as he observed her carefully. "Do you have an answer for me?"
Buffy leaned her head back, shutting her eyes as she thought over the offer. She wasn't ready to stop living. The small piece of soul still alive belonged to the Slayer. It roared to continue fighting, unable to surrender. "I accept. My world holds nothing for me. My ties to it shattered when I left. I'm too young to die and the Slayer in me can't stop fighting," she said softly, opening her eyes to stare into his.
Master Chi moved closer to the bed to stare into the large hazel ones. He must have found what he was looking for, since he held out his hand. "Take my hand, trust me and you shall not fail." The promise whispered on the wind blew out the lone candle, casting the room into darkness.
Buffy slipped her hand into his. She felt a small tug followed by soft air caressing her body. Opening eyes she hadn't realized she had closed, she watched a myriad of colors pass before her. It was as if they were passing through a crystal prism. The lights subtly changed, softening, growing hazy. Their feet touched ground before a vast structure. Dark grey marble formed the outer walls, large obsidian columns buffeted hundreds of steps leading to the entrance. The obsidian graced the front border and uppermost twist of the pale grey pagoda roof. Flags flew from the roof's high peaks. They carried unusual symbols emblazoned on pure white backgrounds. Symbols rippled across the starched flags, although no wind blew. Painted in every grey from the palest silver to the blackest obsidian, the rippling effect gave it a haunting beauty.
"What do the symbols mean?" She found she couldn't tear her eyes away from the flags.
"Neither black nor white, there are many shades of grey."
"Oh." She turned to stare into his dark eyes, then back up at the undulating flags as they raced from dark to light and back again. "Switzerland, huh?"
Master Chi laughed at her quickness. "Yes, my child, Switzerland. We hold the balance against chaos. It's a hard task you will endeavor to attain. Shadow Warriors play an important role in the Cosmos fate. Were we to fail the outcome would be far reaching too many worlds, perhaps all."
"Don't screw up, gotcha. Will you train me?" Her voice wavered in uncertainty.
"You must crawl before you walk. When you finish your kyu (black belt) training, then you will join the first dan (post-black belt) group. You will see me when the time is right."
Buffy slowly ascended the stairs. She understood her former life ended the minute she took Master Chi's hand. An inner strength pushed her along. She'd chosen this new life. If she failed, she could only blame herself. "Me."
"Did you say something, young one?"
"Talking to myself, I do that sometimes. Just realized it's up to me to do this, complete the training and become a Shadow Warrior."
Master Chi stopped on the stairs, reaching out to grab Buffy's chin in his hand. "Ah, yes, it will be interesting to watch as you train."
He dropped his hand, continuing up the stairs, leaving a confused Buffy in his wake. Realizing though old, Master Chi had no trouble swiftly moving up the large staircase, she raced after him. The entrance was awe-inspiring. From the ground, it looked like the columns were solid black. On closer inspection, Buffy saw the intricate design engraved utilizing deep grey tones.
"What do you mean interesting?" She couldn't help but ask, continuing their conversation.
"It is uncommon for a novice to reach understanding so early. You will learn much and teach others, if you are open to the trainings."
A woman dressed in pale grey robes came out to greet them. She bowed gracefully, waiting for Master Chi to acknowledge her.
"Ah, Mistress Sonyee, this is our newest student. For now she may retain her name, which is Buffy."
"As you wish, Master Chi. Please to follow me." She extended a hand toward Buffy, who glanced at Master Chi one last time before stepping through the entrance.
"Good luck, young warrior. Remember your own words and you will do well."
The interior seemed larger than the exterior. It took great effort for Buffy not to stare slack-jawed at everything. The entrance led into a large open area surrounded by columns, which created entrances to numerous hallways. Centered on the floor lay the flag's symbol surrounded by delicate scrollwork, which covered the entire the open area. They flowed beautifully from one to the next creating an even larger design.
"Come along, Buffy, there is much to do in your preparation."
She quickened her steps to catch her guide. Later, she would take time to explore her new world. Mistress Sonyee led Buffy toward the bathing area. Several had noticed Master Chi's interest in the new acolyte, following her journey with their eyes. The bathing area consisted of long rooms, each with a specific purpose. The first was a small room with a single chair at its center.
"Please remove your clothes. These are from your world and do not belong in Shadow. I will return momentarily."
Buffy waited until Sonyee left to undress. Folding her clothes neatly, she placed them neatly on the chair. Nudity didn't bother her. Slaying led to injuries, which invariably led to removing clothes to access wounds. She watched the woman return followed by a young girl. The girl carried a bowl filled with steaming water and a white towel over her arm. They wore large white aprons over their robes.
"Entering here, you are as a babe newly born, and your body must become new again. We will start the rebirth by cleansing your outer shell. Vanity has no place in Shadow. It is from Other, things from Other must stay behind. Do you understand?"
These weren't just simple questions; they were a pledge. "Yes, do you need me to sit or stand?"
The young girl knelt at her feet. "Stand first, please, with legs spread."
Buffy stepped back, spreading her feet a shoulder-length apart. She shut her eyes, thinking about the purpose behind the process. Small hands gently rubbed a lotion on first one leg then the next. She heard water splashing followed by a warm cloth wiped against her legs. A dry towel patted them dry.
A soft shy voice asked, "Please, to hold out your arms." Extending her arms to her sides, the girl repeated the procedure on her underarms. "The badge of your womanhood must be removed. Do you permit this?" Buffy nodded, keeping her eyes closed as she lowered her arms, moving into position. The girl worked quickly, understanding the awkwardness the young warrior felt. She gathered the bowl and towels, bowed to Mistress Sonyee, and then quietly left the area.
"Please to sit, Buffy." Once she sat down, Sonyee continued. Slender hands swept the long golden hair into a single ponytail. "A woman's hair is her crowning glory. Babes come into this world unformed. Their inner self knows what it trusts and fears. As it grows, both change and shape into the person it will become. Do you understand?"
"Yes."
She felt a small tug at the base of her skull followed by a scissors snip. Her hair steadily fell from her head with each snip that followed. She let the memories fall away with it. The idea that she would ever shave her head seemed preposterous to the former Buffy. It surprised her how freeing it felt. The young girl reentered the room to apply a lotion to remove the remaining stubble. Sonyee signaled for the girl to leave. She left only to return with a large mirror.
"This is your new body. Look upon it and remember. You will not gaze upon it again until you walk as a Shadow Warrior."
There in the long mirror stood a small, frail girl. Large shadows caused the hazel eyes to swallow her face. She reached up to touch the shiny scalp where golden tresses had once lain. Turning to the side showed her how much weight she had lost. Her breasts were almost non-existent, making her resemble a small prepubescent child rather than a curvaceous seventeen year old. Turning away from the reflection, she said, "I'm ready to continue."
Mistress Sonyee bowed, holding out a robe. "Follow me to the adjoining room."