River closed her eyes, listening to some inner voice. "No, he can't. That's wrong thinking in a backwards world." She scrambled from her seat, dodging around anyone who tried to grab her. River ran after Buffy, throwing the gun at Jayne as she left the bridge. Pushing her legs to go faster, wishing she had Buffy's speed, River hoped she wouldn't be too late.
Buffy flew through the shuttle's door, heading straight for the secure com panel. Seconds later, a wave from Haven flashed across the screen. It was Joseph, the town leader, asking the Slayer for help. "What's going on?"
"Alliance, I think. Ships painted like Reavers, but they're too shiny. Are you far off, Slayer? They're just sitting out there right, but don't know how long that'll last. What should I do?" His worried face filled the screen as he waited for instructions.
Buffy bit her lip before making a decision. "I can be there in about six hours, less if I push it. Move everyone that you can through the back tunnel. Make it look like you're rushing about scared, they like that. Get as many to the far side as you can. Joseph, tell the ones that want to stay and fight that they're welcome to join us. Let them know that I can't guarantee anyone will survive." He gave her a sad smile, already knowing there'd be casualties before this was over. Joseph signed off, telling Buffy he'd do as she asked. "Go away, River," Buffy whispered softly.
Her voice sent goose pimples racing over River's skin. Taking a brave step into the room and then another, the young girl continued until she stood behind the only person who truly understood her. River wrapped her arms around the ramrod straight back, laying her head between Buffy's shoulders. She listened to the strong, steady heartbeat. "You can't be everywhere, Buffy. No one can. It's physically impossible, even with gene replication." Buffy hid a smile. "Whatever happens on Haven will be my fault, not yours. He wants me and doesn't care who he kills to get me," she said sadly.
Buffy turned to pull River into her arms. "You're wrong, bao bei. Yes, he wants you, but Haven is special. It marked my arrival. Haven showed the verse that the Alliance couldn't or wouldn't protect them. I showed them that they had someone that cared, someone to count on, and it didn't sit well with the Alliance. Do you know how many Operatives I've killed? They came sniffing at each place the Slayer visited, terrorizing people for answers, killing innocents who wouldn't talk, and I killed each one until they finally stopped sending them. No one came after Haven; the trail was too cold. This one chose Haven for many reasons, River; you're only one of 'em."
"Care to tell me or Shepherd Book, what the gorram hell is going on?" Mal stood in the doorway, wanting answers, torn between taking River's place and shaking Buffy.
"Alliance, pretending to be Reavers, is circling Haven. They called me for help. Need to know if you're in or out? It'll take me longer to get there by shuttle, but that won't stop me none." She threw the challenge out at them.
"Why would the Alliance go after Haven? No one even knew Book was there," Inara asked as she stepped into the room. The entire crew had followed after Mal interested in seeing what had Buffy so upset. "Except…"
"Except what? What happened when Mal went to get you? He said he ran into some trouble, but twas nothing he couldn't handle. I'm thinking I should've asked for some details." Buffy stepped away from River, purposeful putting the psychic behind her as if to protect her from the emotions in the room.
"It was a trap. An Alliance Operative was there and tried to force Mal to hand over River. We barely escaped," Inara explained, watching Buffy's face as she talked.
Buffy slipped her jacket off, exposing a bare back that rippled with muscles and suppressed rage. She stormed back to the com, slamming the keys as fast as possible. Joseph's face reappeared on the screen; he appeared more frazzled than when they had spoken only a few moments prior. "They're going to hit fast and hard. I'll be there in less than four hours. Anyone that can get to the mines, go and go now. Don't worry about how it looks, run!" Her shoulders set into a hard line as she walked over to remove the gleaming blade hanging on the wall. Jayne whistled, never having noticed the Scythe before. Buffy started for the door, battle ready.
Mal stepped into her way. "Where do you think you're going? Some conversating needs doing by my recollecting. Serenity isn't going anywhere until I know what's going on."
"Don't make me hurt you, Mal. I won't like it, but I'll do it," Buffy whispered roughly, her green eyes dead and cold.
Book interrupted, pulling Mal away. He understood better than anyone what had happened. If Mal pushed, he would be in a position he wouldn't like. "Mal, leave her be. Buffy will do what's right. Use your heart, stead of that stubborn pride."
While Mal's attention strayed, she took the opportunity to head for the door, grabbing Wash as she rushed for the bridge. "I need you to get us to Haven, Ducky. Make this boat zoom. When we get close, stay back until we see where the Alliance is. If you can draw at least one off, I can take care of the other. Don't think there'll be more'n two, but another'n could be hiding." She spoke as fast as she walked.
Wash stumbled after Buffy, wondering how she kept her balance between him and that gigormous sword-thingy she carried. "Buffy, slow down. How come you're dragging me off? Why didn't Mal tell me himself? In the name of all the plastic dinosaurs I own, what's going on?" He tried to stop their forward momentum by using his larger size against her. It didn't work.
Buffy simply dragged him on the floor behind her. Wash bumped along, resembling a rag doll. Thankfully, they weren't far from their destination. She hauled him up from the ground, ignoring the wide-eyed look on his face, and shoved him into the pilot's seat while she took the co-pilot's seat beside him. "Make some magic, Ducky."
"What're you doing, Buffy? This is a Firefly. It's a little more complicated than a long range shuttle." Wash cracked his knuckles, stood his dinosaurs up, wiggled in the seat and started to enter a heading for Haven when he heard the rapid clicking of keystrokes. His head spun around to see Buffy deep in concentration on Haven's surrounding air space. She keyed in additional information, pulling up several other planets. "Oo-kah, guess you know a little bout the systems, but you can't fly. That's my job."
Buffy grinned at the pouting tone. Keying in several override codes and safety patches, she accessed the Alliance traffic for the last 48 hours. She almost dropped the keyboard at what she saw. Buffy dragged her eyes away to watch Wash do what he did best. A soft smile tugged at her lips at seeing the joy on her childhood friend's face. The smile quickly melted and the Scythe practically jumped into her hand. Standing up, Buffy walked over to kiss Wash on the cheek. "Fly fast as you can, Ducky," she said softly before walking away.
Wash, lost in his own world, dodging imaginary enemies or asteroids, doing what he loved and did better than anyone else, didn't notice her leave.
With each step Buffy took, the information screamed at her. The Operative hunting River wanted to flush out the Slayer too. Two for the price of one. He sent ships to the outermost planets 'the Slayer' protected. Alliance, disguised as Reavers, attacked, working their way back toward Haven. No one had enough time to call for help except Haven. Yes, this man was cunning. He knew that she would come. No doubt, he planned to sweep in and scoop them up in a neat little net. River and she were of little use to the Alliance dead; not when they could drain River's powers indefinitely and Buffy might provide new and exciting avenues to explore.
Buffy stood on the catwalk, clutching the Scythe tightly, ignoring the sounds around her as she somersaulted up and over the bar. She pulled her arms across her chest, tucking her body into a forward spin before landing in a crouched position, the Scythe extended at her side in a ready position. In a boneless move, she gracefully rose from the floor.
"Did you see that Mal? How, the blazing hell, did she do that?" Jayne stood gap-mouthed, eyes bright with wonder staring down at Buffy.
Mal and the others stood several yards down the catwalk where they had witnessed Buffy's daring dive. He didn't respond to Jayne. His full attention remained on Buffy, noting the differences in her movements. Her nightly routines were graceful, controlled, resembling a dance. This was an angry spirit, a warrior preparing for war. The grace remained; Mal thought it too ingrained not to. No, it was the control. He couldn't say that she was crazed; it was more that she meant to take no prisoners. He'd seen that look in the war. Mal had worn that same look for long years. Somehow, seeing it on Buffy's beautiful face frightened him. She wore it easily, too easily.
Buffy felt Mal's eyes, but blocked them out along with everything else. She continued, intent on releasing the pent up rage burning inside or risk hurting someone, even if it revealed her secrets. The Scythe vibrated as they joined in a violent dance to destroy their enemy. They prepared to do what was necessary when the time came. She sliced with the Scythe, stabbed an invisible enemy behind her, while doing a mid-air handstand using the Scythe for balance. Buffy pulled herself around until she landed on her feet, crouched low to sweep her foot out, and around to the left. Leaning back, missing an imaginary strike, Buffy's blade struck once again.
The fast movements had the audience bobbing their heads back and forth, trying to keep up with the small body below. "How long you think she can go like that, Cap'n?" Kaylee asked, worry heavy in her voice. Her brown eyes never strayed from her friend, wondering what had set Buffy's temper off.
"Until they're all dead and the verse is safe," River said her voice distant, almost trance-like. "She cannot rest while innocents suffer. It isn't who she is, isn't what she is. She'll die if she has to and come back as many times as they let her. Death is her gift. She delivers it with blood red ribbons and pain-filled bows, but it can't hold her until she allows it to, until she has nothing more to give." River walked away, leaving the people behind her dumbstruck.
They turned back to watch Buffy, seeing her in a different light. No better, no worse just another piece of the Buffy puzzle, all except Serenity's Captain. Mal remembered something Buffy said to him when she wouldn't tell him what he wanted to know.
"You don't have to know everything about a person's life to know if you like that person. If you like them, then you take a risk, a leap of faith, and trust them. Life's no good without friends, family and love along the way. Yes, I have secrets, so do you. Have I asked for yours? No. Could mine be dangerous? Possibly, most likely, but can you look me in the eye and say that yours aren't the same? Someday, you're gonna learn that this verse has more secrets than you ever knew. Some might even include your crew or their families. On that day, I hope you remember one thing, Mal. Is your pride, is being Serenity's Captain and closing out the world going to help? Will it be enough for you to know that you could have done something and didn't? Not because you found yourself stuck in the middle, but because you chose not to stand up and fight it."
Her words had angered him so much that he didn't speak to her after that, not even the polite conversations they'd exchanged in passing. Mal thought she was belittling his participation in the war. But, listening to River and watching Buffy, he realized that he misunderstood her. Buffy wasn't talking about the war, rather the innocents left behind, like the people on Haven. They fought a different war to survive, while the Independents and Alliance forces tore the verse apart. Settlers fought today against Reavers, corrupt Alliance officials, slave labor and other criminals. The medical supplies they stole from Niska were a prime example. Buffy, as a Peacemaker, worked hard to change it, or at least stop what she could.
Mal turned to tell the others to move along, and realized that he stood alone on the catwalk. Glancing down at the floor, Buffy stared up at him. She laid the Scythe on her shoulder, walked over the steps, never taking her eyes off him as she started climbing the stairs. She watched different emotions cross Mal's face as she walked toward him. Determined not to fight with the volatile captain, Buffy walked straight by him, going straight to the shuttle. She threw the Scythe on the bed and stripped while walking into the shower. Buffy stepped under the hard spray, allowing the hot water to work the tension from her back. Leaning her head again the wall, she cried, here where no one could see. She cried for the innocents who died needlessly, for a man who mindlessly obeyed orders. A man who didn't care who or how many died as long as his master's attained their desired goal.
Strong arms wrapped around her, turning her around to encompass her in their strength and security. Buffy laid her head on Mal's chest, not caring that he saw her breakdown. She needed the comfort to deal with the dead faces she saw in her mind and felt in her heart.
"Hush now, it'll be all right. Dry your tears afore you get my manly chest all wet."
Mal's deep voice rumbled against her ear, his silliness making her giggle and hiccup at the same time. Large calloused hands rubbed soothing circles on Buffy's back, smoothing the knots from the tensed muscles. Mal poured scented soap into his hands, lathering her body while she stood docilely, allowing him to minister to her needs. He turned Buffy's boneless body until her back leaned against his front. Closing her eyes, she leaned against his shoulder as Mal's soothing touch worked to ease not only her body, but her mind. Buffy knew that to have any chance at success at Haven, her mind had to be clear.
Mal washed the long, blonde tresses, massaging the scalp, shoulders and neck, which elicited pleasurable moans from their owner. Unfortunately, his body sprang to attention, not that it wasn't already making its presence know as it lay long and hard pressed into Buffy's backside. He bit inside his mouth, breathing through his nose, trying to calm his body's reactions. This was about Buffy, not falling back into bed. She needed his help to fight her demons, and he aimed to help. Mal shut the shower off, picked her up, grabbed towels and carried her to the bedroom. There he dried her then himself before tucking them into bed. Buffy curled against him, seeking heat and comfort. Mal stroked her hair, waiting to give her what she needed, an ear to listen, or just his arms to hold her.
She spoke so softly at first that he almost couldn't make out the words. "It seems I've fought my whole life. At first, I fought against my parents, as most children would; then their divorce, trying to be the perfect child to keep them together. For stupid foolish things through my teenage years; popularity, part of the in-crowd. It changed when I turned fifteen. I found myself forced into the war." Buffy felt Mal stiffen underneath her ready to interrupt. "Not your war, Mal, the other one. The secret one that one that no one talked about. See, the world has always focused on the big picture and forgotten what's in their own backyard; what happens at home when no ones looking, or when a child walks to school and never comes home.
Buffy closed her eyes, remembering the ones she had saved and every single one she hadn't. Taking a deep breath, she continued, "I fought against getting involved. Fought with everything I had inside me. All it got were people I cared about killed. There's something inside me that I can't run away from, so I stopped trying and embraced it. While the world leaders went about their merry pulling strings and changing the world, I went out each night and fought the Darkness. See, Mal, you fought your big war, but mine's not over. It won't be over until I am."
Mal wondered when he had stopped breathing. Buffy's words slammed into his gut with the force of a sledgehammer, trying to wrap his mind around what he had heard. It seemed incomprehensible to him that a fifteen-year-old girl fought each night to protect others while he was at war protecting an idea. He hoped that he would say the right words, the ones she needed to hear. Mal wanted this moment, the sharing to last. He knew one wrong step and it would come crumbling down around his ears. He absently brushed her hair as he started to speak. "During the war, we fought for freedom. I saw and did horrible things that I'd do again if'n it'd change the outcome. Tweren't till I returned to Shadow that I saw how bad it was on my Ma. I kept a picture in my head of her safe at the ranch, far away from the Hell I lived through." Mal saw the ranch from his childhood and the shell he had found when he returned.
"It's how people cope, Mal. We all do it. People still think if they ignore the bad, don't look, don't talk about it, that they it'll keep 'em safe. Funny thing, I used to be one of 'em. I never thought anything bad could happen to me. Once you see it, live it first hand and decide you can't walk away without doing everything you can, it changes you. You want to know the funniest thing about it, though?"
"What?" he asked softly.
"Knowing what I know, even after everything I've seen and done, I still tried to protect my family from it. It was stupid and impossible, but I still tried."
"Twouldn't be natural if'n you didn't. No one wants to see loved ones hurt, if'n they can help it."
Buffy made a sound halfway between a laugh and a sob. "That's what I had to learn, Mal, what I'm still learning. You can't protect people from the world. It always forces its way back in, and when it does it's messy. People end up hurt or worse. Damn it, couldn't they've left something alone just this once. I screwed up, Mal, in a big way and I'm afraid Haven's going to pay for it."
Her shoulders shook with silent sobs and Mal felt the tears leaking between their bodies where she lay curled. He didn't have any words that could soothe her heart. If Buffy believed she had messed up, Mal didn't think much would make her believe differently. He could hold her until she cried it out, be there for her. When they got to Haven, he would have some choices of his own to make. The woman in his arms had almost made his mind up for him, but he wouldn't, he couldn't take his crew on a suicide mission, not even for her.
Buffy's sobs quieted, allowing Mal's warmth to lull her into a light sleep. She emptied her mind, knowing the fight ahead would be brutal. Slipping a hand down to clasp the large calloused one that lay across a taut stomach, sleep overtook the couple.
All too soon, Wash's voice announced over the com. "Mal, Buffy, wherever you two are hiding, could you please come to the bridge? We're about fifteen away from reaching Haven's atmo."
They immediately turned toward each other, neither saying a word, waiting for the other to speak first. Buffy caressed Mal's strong jaw. In a whisper soft voice, she said, "Thank you. I needed that. It's hard to hold it inside and I didn't want to erupt at the wrong time. You're a good man, Mal, even under all that naughty." She smiled before leaning forward to give him a soft kiss.
Mal wrapped his arms around her, taking the kiss further. He wanted her taste on his lips before they faced the unknown that lay ahead. Reluctantly pulling away, they left their warm cocoon, dressed and silently walked toward the bridge.
The entire crew, including Book and Inara, waited on the bridge. They noticed the sleep flushed cheeks and quiet intimacy between the couple. A stern glare from Mal kept even Jayne's tongue in his mouth.
"What's the situation, Wash?" Mal strode forward, assuming his place on the bridge, gazing out the front windows. He felt Buffy quietly come to stand beside him. She stared toward Haven as if she could see straight through the mining planet.
Wash turned solemn blue eyes down to a blinking display. "Not good. A fully-loaded, long-range vessel's blasting anything that moves at the settlement."
"Have they picked us up, yet?" Mal asked over his shoulder, eyes remaining straight ahead. He felt a stillness come over Buffy. Whether it was the calm before the storm, he couldn't say. Her face remained forward and showed nothing of what she was feeling.
"Not so far as I can tell." Wash flipped more switches, working his magic. "No, they're focused on Haven. Don't have any probes out for anyone else. It's strange, almost like they don't care about anything 'ceptin destroying Haven and leaving."
"Not gonna happen," a soft voice said firmly.
River shook off Simon's restraining hand to join Buffy. She slipped her hand into Buffy's, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Have to stop them before there's no more pie or laughter for anyone."
"Now, wait just a gorram minute." Mal turned to glare at the two women who gazed out at Haven. "Exactly how do you 'spect to go in there and make them stop? Case you haven't noticed, Serenity ain't armed. Only weapons we got won't take out a gorram ship."
Tilting her head to the side, Buffy cut her eyes up at Mal. "When you were in the war, did you ever shoot a big gun?"
The question came out of left field, taking Mal by surprise. "What does that have to do with what we're conversating about here and now?"
"Can't you ever answer a gorram question, Mal? Forget it." She turned her back on him, her eyes landing on the crew. "Jayne, you want to play with a really big gun? Makes poor Vera seem like a pea shooter." Buffy gave the mercenary a taunting smile.
"Don't you be talking bad about my Vera." Jayne postured, bowing out his chest. "A pea shooter, really?" Buffy nodded, smiling at the little boy grin on the large man's face. "Where's it at? How far can it shoot?" Excited words tumbled from his lips.
"Now, just a gorram minute. Didn't say I couldn't shoot a big gun," Mal interrupted.
"Nuh huh, Mal you lost your turn. Thems the rules," Jayne told him.
Buffy glanced sideways at Mal when a colorful curse escaped his lips. "That would just plain hurt." She grinned, pretending to wince, lightening the mood when everybody laughed.
"How's Jayne s'posed to set up this gorram big gun, with the purple bellies shootin' anything that moves?" Mal smirked at her.
Buffy gave him an evil grin. "That's where my shuttle comes into play. Haven't you heard of distraction before, Mal?" She moved closer, lightly brushing against his body while staring deeply into his eyes. "You know when one hand don't know what the other's doing." Buffy handed Mal back his gun.
His mouth turned down into a hard frown and his eyes grew hard as he stared at her. Silence filled the bridge while everyone waited to see how the Captain would handle this. Mal gazed into sparkling green eyes that meet him never strayed from his face. Buffy was asking him to step over an imaginary line that she'd drawn. Taking a quick glance at his crew then back at Buffy, he couldn't help but laugh, suprising everyone including himself. "Could've used your talents a few times this past year. Saved myself some new scars." He winked at Buffy; she grinned at him, waiting to see where he was taking this. She didn't have long to wait. Mal turned to his crew, sweeping Inara and Book along in his gaze. "We've got ourselves a problem. Alliance aims to take out the people on Haven for no other reason than a hope that it'll flush us out. Tain't right. Seems Buffy thinks she can take 'em down and for some gorram reason I believe her. I'm not saying you have to help. Staying on this side of Haven should see you clear of the danger. Think I'd like a shot at some purple bellies for old time's sakes. Who's with me?" He gave them his best Mal smile.
Zoë looked from Mal to Buffy. She had talked to Wash while he flew to Haven and he told her everything he remembered about growing up with Buffy. How she followed him around when they were little. They were best friends, always getting into trouble together. After she told her parents about reading souls, they put her in an institution and only let her out when she swore she made it up for attention. Buffy changed after that, only talking to Wash, while she pretended to be the perfect daughter. Wash told Zoë about Buffy fighting at home to protect the women and children left behind. Zoë saw the other woman in a completely different light. She realized that Buffy wasn't trying to hurt Mal or anyone else and that they were a lot alike.
"Sounds like old times, sir. You got anymore big guns or surprises we could use, Buffy?" Zoë asked with a bright smile.
Buffy was taken back but quickly recovered. "Sure do, the shuttle's loaded with 'em. Got enough stuff to start my own little revolution." She gave Zoë a soft smile of gratitude.
"I still get to shoot the big gun, right?" Jayne interrupted, worried that his new toy might be taken away.
Buffy laughed at his expression. "Yes, Jayne. You can shoot the big gun." She glanced over at Mal, noticing the slight pout on his lips. "Don't worry, Mal, there's something shiny I think you'll like even better. Okay, everyone that wants to fight, come with me and I'll load you up. Those that don't can stay with the ones from Haven that got through the mines before it got too bad."
"Stay where? Didn't see nowheres else on Haven 'ceptin for the settlement," Kaylee said, her face pale at the thought of fighting the Alliance.
Buffy went over the frightened mechanic, taking her hands. "It's gonna be okay, Kaylee. This is what I do. As for Haven, you're right there's not anything to see - above ground. First time I came to Haven, I saw how vulnerable they were and mentioned that it wouldn't be a bad idea to create a large bunker they could evacuate to if they were under attack. They only part they haven't completed are tunnels from inside the settlement they can blow behind them."
"That's pretty damn gorram smart," Mal said with a smile, "but if they're in the bunker how'd we get Kaylee and t'others inside?"
"Well, it'd be stupid not to have a way out wouldn't it? How would someone rescue you if the Butt Uglies were on the outside trying to get you?" Buffy explained in a parental tone. "I'll show Ducky where to land and we can offload anyone that wants to get off and pick up the ones that want to fight. We need to get a move on people. Mush-mush." She started for the door when Mal grabbed her arm forcing her to stare up at his face in confusion.
"You aiming to come out of this in one piece?" His blue eyes searched her face for the answer.
"First rule - don't die," River said from her place beside Mal.
"That's right, bei bai. You just do the same. I have lots to do before this verse sees the last of me." She blew River a kiss. Mal nodded releasing her arm.
Inara watched the exchange with mixed feelings. She accepted that she and Mal could never be, but seeing him with Buffy brought that fact home. "I'll stay with Kaylee."
"River and I will also," Simon added.
"No." River stared into her brother's eyes. "I'm going with Buffy," she stated firmly.
"Mèimei," Simon said soothingly, "you can't go out there. You'll get hurt."
"Buffy will keep me safe and I'll keep her safe. Two by two, we fight the blue." River's large doe eyes caught Buffy's emerald green ones. They talked without words as understanding fell into place. River was the lock that held the treasure to destroy the Alliance, but Buffy was the key. Together they had everything needed to break apart the stranglehold the corrupt Alliance Council had on the verse. They could destroy it and make way for a new verse to emerge. Two by Two, side by side, sisters in destiny, teacher and pupil, reaching out they clasped each others hands before turning to walk off the bridge.
"What the gorram hell was that?" Jayne exclaimed, scratching his head. "Are they both dimwitted now? Did Moony rub off on the Peacemaker? Mal, I think she done ruined your woman."
Mal turned away from watching Buffy's exit to glare at Jayne. "Buffy's not my woman," he protested, stopping when he saw the looks his crew gave him. "Well, she's not. Don't we have some purple bellies to kill?"
Wash looked up at Zoë. "Honey, can I, uh, can I?"
"Yes, dear, go ahead," she said smiling.
"Shipboard romances complicate things. Remember if'n you're caught outside quarters naked you'll scrub the air shafts with a toothbrush," Wash repeated the stern lecture Mal gave him long ago. His bright blue eyes suddenly went icy and his voice became hard. "Mal."
"You've had your fun, Wash. I've got things to do." Mal started to walk off the bridge.
"Mal," Wash repeated in the same tone, causing the Captain to stop. "Don't hurt her. She's been hurt enough and don't need no more. I know I'm not tough like you or Zoë, but I can still shoot you. Don't think I won't neither. Buffy's special and always has been. She's my friend, Mal. I love her like a sister, even married her when she was five." A goofy smile spread across Wash's face at the memory. "All I'm saying is that if she opens her heart to you as a friend or something more, don't stomp on it. Buffy tries to act tough, but underneath she's still a little girl who had to grow up too fast. Think about that while I brush up on my shooting."
Mal left the bridge, making his way toward Buffy's shuttle. Wash's words repeating in his head, along with what Buffy told him earlier. She was so multifaceted that Mal wondered if that was what drew him to her. He stepped into the shuttle doorway to find Buffy pulling back the rugs. Mal heard Jayne and the others right behind him.
The rugs hid a large panel on the floor. Buffy placed her hand in the center and a keypad appeared. After entering a code, the panel slid from sight to reveal a mercenary's wet dream. Jayne inched close, his eyes glazed over and he started to pant. A hand stretched out, begging to touch a weapon, any weapon. No one ever thought they would see the day that Jayne would be speechless but today was that day.
"Whoa, down boy, no drool on the tools. I have to decode them so they won't blow up on you. They're only geared for me. Give me a sec, Jayney, and you'll have a nice little toy of your own to play with," Buffy explained, giggling as she quickly reset a large percussion riffle, handing it to Jayne. The mercenary took the rifle stroking it tip to butt. The others turned away when he started whispering to it. Buffy just cracked up laughing. "Step right up to Buffy's Emporium. We got guns, every size, every shape. If we don't got 'em, you don't need 'em," she barked out, motioning the others forward.
Zoë stepped down to search through the weapons, adding a long-range rifle to her carbine, several percussion grenades and a nifty blaster. River quickly went through, touching the guns and knives, instinctively pulling the ones best suited for her abilities. They disappeared to some place on her body, a trick learned from Buffy. The only one showing was a large gun similar to the one she held on Jayne, who frowned at the sight.
Shepherd Book hesitantly stepped down to look around. This felt too familiar and he wasn't sure that he could do it. A soft hand touched his shoulder. "There'll be enough doubt and explanations later, Book. You know which ones are right for you. Your past can't hurt you unless you let it. You aren't going to change or erase what you've done. But, you can help stop what's happened because you were too afraid to stand up all those years ago. Stand up now, Book, and quit running away. Take it from someone who knows, it always chases you down and will eat you whole, swallow you with a smile unless you're willing to fight back." Book stared at the small woman who had given him so much. She was asking him to take a big step, one he wasn't sure he was capable of taking. Other than his confessor at the monastery, few people until Buffy knew about his past. He spent years trying to erase it from his memory. Becoming a shepherd was his way to atone for his past, a way to give back for all that he took. He walked through Buffy's small armory, loading himself up the weapons from his past. When he went to leave Buffy stopped him with a soft whisper, "They're just weapons, Book. They don't make the man; it's what he does with them. Why he's using them that determines his self-worth." Book nodded at her, stepping back up into the upper level.
Buffy handed Jayne the pieces needed to assemble the anti-aircraft gun. He danced around the room, jabbering about propulsion, speed, bullets per seconds and scatter patterns. Anyone watching would have thought it were Christmas Day.
Mal slipped down next to Buffy, letting out a soft whistle at the neatly stacked weapons. "You tweren't kidding bout that revolution, woman, show me what you got for me."
Buffy's eyebrow rose as a naughty grin crossed her lips. "Cap'n I think you've seen all my wares. Are you saying you want to see them right now?" She put her hands up to unbutton her shirt.
Mal quickly grabbed her hands, which brought their bodies flush against each other. "You're killing me, woman. If'n we had more time, I'd take you up on that offer. But, I'm thinking I'd prefer your soft bed and a bit more privacy."
"Spoil sport." She slid her hands into his, pulling him into the farthest corner, where she touched another hidden panel to reveal two guns. They gleamed silver-blue in the dull light. "These babies are the latest from the egghead shop. Peacemakers got first dibs, pissing lots of people off."
Mal touched the one nearest him, pulling it down to get a feel for it. "It's awful light. Thought it'd be heavier. What's the gorram thing do?"
"Bout anything it damn near wants," she answered, taking down the other gun. "Put your thumb here to cycle it to you. No one else can use it against you if you lose it. These," she showed him several switches on the gun's body, "change the ammo from percussion, single shot, rapid fire, blast. The readout shows you what your levels are. Gorram thing holds a lot. Bullets are small, some new material that blows nice, big holes in whatever you shoot at. You like?" She gave him a big grin.
"Oh yeah, its plum shiny." Leaning forward, he brushed her lips in a soft kiss.
"What was that for?" Buffy touched her lips in wonder.
"For my shiny new toy, course," Mal answered with a naughty grin, leaving Buffy to stare at his retreating back.
Haven welcomed Buffy and the Serenity crew with open arms and sad hearts. They ushered in the ones who wanted to stay while they explained what had happened since first contacting Buffy. Buffy searched through the survivors for a small, gap-toothed face. She felt a sharp pain when she couldn't find it anywhere. As she turned back to Joseph, who sadly shook his head, Buffy nodded and silently walked away with River trailing behind her.
Simon tried to stop her, but she turned to him and said in a far-off voice. "The things I see are real, Simon and I have to help stop them. This is only a tiny fight. I can do this." Kaylee took Simon's hand, squeezing it reassuringly.
"Simon, you have to give her a chance. You're keeping her in a cage, just like they did." He started to protest, Buffy waved a hand to stop him, continuing. "I know that you love her and want to protect her. Don't you see that you're smothering her? They created a weapon and buried it deep in her psyche. If River doesn't learn when and how to use it, she can self-destruct or worse."
The young doctor's shoulders slumped in resignation. "You'll take care of her? Bring her back to me safe," he pleaded softly.
"Yes." River kissed his cheek before skipping over to grab Buffy's hand.
Mal interrupted, "We're ready if'n you're through in here. How much time we gonna have to set up?" He raised an eyebrow at Buffy.
"Give me twenty, then blast anything that moves. I'll be clear. Come on, River, let's go pick on the bullies." They walked out holding hand, a skip in their step.
Mal walked out shaking his head with Zoë a few steps behind him. "Something the matter, sir?" She followed his eyes to where Buffy and River were climbing into the shuttle.
"Can't rightly decide, Zoë. Not sure if'n I actually feel a little sorry for the gorram Alliance. It's a strange feeling. Can't rightly say s'pected those words to ever leave my mouth."
"Gotta say never s'pected to hear them, sir. How bout we agree to forget you ever said them" They stood side-by-side, fingers hooked in the gun belts looking out at Haven's landscape.
"That would be a kindness. What say we go do some violence to wash those thoughts clean away?"
"Sounds like a good plan, sir. Have to say I'm almost giddy waiting to use the gun Buffy gave me. Though the one you're carrying's bout the shiniest thing I've seen in a long time." Zoë admired the gleaming silver-blue gun.
River glanced over at Buffy. The smile she wore only moments ago melted away as the 'Slayer' flew the shuttle. The teenager didn't know how to ease her friend's pain. "If you bury it, will it become spaghetti? Will you get lost in you head and I'll have to come and rescue you? I'm not sure I know the way. Are there breadcrumbs that I follow, or do I follow the screams?"
"Shush, mèimei, I'm okay. You won't have to search for me in the dark. I've learned how to use the anger. There'll be time for sorrow later. Right now, we have to worry about saving Haven."
River nodded, turning to stare once more into the black void of space. Buffy maneuvered the shuttle toward the Alliance vessel. "I don't glow like you real pretend mèimei did all green and not real. I've never had a jie jie before. Will I get to keep you, or will you go away when the blue die?"
Buffy glanced at River's profile as she continued to gaze at the stars. "I'm not leaving this verse or you, River, for a long time. Not if I can help it. Let's go piss off the bad guy."
River perked up, a gleam entered large dark eyes. "We should be aimin' to misbehave."
"That we should River; that we should. Now, see how that yúchûn hundan sits there shooting at Haven. He thinks he's safe and can do whatever he wants, cuz he's Alliance. We're bout to show him the error of his ways, mèimei. Are you with me?"
Dark hair flew about the cockpit as River shook her head wildly in agreement. "Let's kick the blue's big bad butt," River said before bursting into giggles.
"Watch and learn, little brat," Buffy said with a feral smile and the light of battle in her eyes.
The Alliance vessel continued bombarding Haven as the entire crew, with the exception of the pilot and co-pilot, boarded a small shuttle heading for the surface. Their mission, find any survivors and kill them without mercy.
Mal saw Buffy's shuttle came across Haven's horizon. She flew straight at the Alliance vessel, ignoring the blasts aimed at her. He watched the small shuttle tease the larger ship, nipping at its heels, reminding Mal of Buffy's midnight sparring routines.
"Sir, looks like we're gonna have some company," Zoë said, joining Mal as they started putting people in position.
Buffy's old memories from the Earth-that-was had mostly faded, replaced with the new ones the Powers had given her. She still remembered her friends and family, although their faces were getting fuzzy. But, the cultural references weren't there anymore. So, when a clear picture of Andrew saying 'May the Force be with you' popped into her head, Buffy wasn't sure if it was a good sign or an omen.
"May the Force be with you," River mimicked Buffy's thoughts. She repeated the catch phrase several times, finally giving a satisfied nod.
The Alliance Vessel turned away from its primary target to combat the unforeseen menace in a small shuttle. Its pilot tried to radio an updated status, flipping switches frantically, but nothing happened. The communications system didn't respond to anything he tried. The shuttle blasted a hole into the hull as it flew by. A small shuttle, filled with the rest of the crew, had launched only moments ago. Turning to the co-pilot, they silently agreed to ignore the com system and complete the mission.
As the larger ship turned away from Haven to set its sights on Buffy's shuttle, Mal ignored the other shuttle about to land, as he ordered Jayne to finish assembling the big gun. The mercenary's hands worked quickly snapping pieces into place. A large smile from ear to ear told everyone that he was in his element. Jayne braced his large frame, feet spread apart, back straight as he lined up the gun's barrel with its intended target.
"Sir, we've got company coming and they don't look friendly," Zoë called out, aiming her new gun at the first Alliance soldier off the shuttle.
"Wait for it, Zoë. We don't want them calling for help or digging in," Mal warned, looking at his watch and back up at the sky. Only a minute remained of the ten-minute window. "Come on, get your mêilì pee goo gone," he whispered under his breath. Mal raised his arm as the seconds hand swept around on the clock face. The seconds ticked away. Jayne aligned the shot. The Alliance soldiers cleared the shuttle. Havens defenders braced themselves, each intent on accomplishing the goal set before them. Time slowed as the last second expired. Mal signaled Jayne to fire while turning to yell, "Fire," at Zoë and the others. He took aim with the silver-blue gun fired it up and aimed for the shuttle.
Huge blasts rocked Haven's core and its inhabitants. Metal, rocks and bodies flew everywhere. When the dust cleared, the shooting started. No one could say which side shot first. Mal glanced from the sky to the crash sight. He couldn't tell if Buffy's shuttle escaped or not. A bullet hitting close to his head told him to get his mind back in the fight.
Zoë aimed at an Alliance solder, pulling the trigger. She pushed memories of the war away, focusing on getting them out of this alive. Wash kept watch over his wife. He knew how capable Zoë was in a fight. Wash wanted to make sure that she didn't try to be a hero. She was his hero and he wanted her in one piece.
Shepherd Book shot the last soldier. He stood with the gun held lightly in his hands. Staring down at it, he wondered how such a small object could affect his life to such a degree.
"Do you think it's gonna bite?" a soft voice came from over his shoulder.
Book couldn't say that Buffy's survival surprised him. He'd lived with Mal on Serenity too long to question anyone's ability with the gruff Captain as an example.
"Best put it away so we can see to the damage those Chou wan ba dan made," she said gruffly.
He heard the anger and sadness in her voice. Book knew that Buffy blamed herself for what happened here. He turned to see her standing there, with River peeking over her shoulder. The young reader's larger eyes bore into Book draining his mind, 'seeing' him for the first time as the whole man - past and present.
Buffy felt River's body tremble against her back. She knew that the Shepherd's secrets had reveled themselves to the powerful mind and that River was unsure what to do. Buffy stayed perfectly still, lending her silent support, without interfering. What River decided in the next few minutes could determine the rest of her life.
"Bad horrible things like acid eating your soul until you don't think you have one anymore." Pictures flashed through River's mind as the words tumbled from her lips. "Crash, bang, another body hits the floor. You do the duty, follow in you father's steps, never take on of you own, never think a single thought someone hasn't thought for you."
The memories locked deep in Book's mind rush forward with each word River uttered. Caught in a web of his own design, he realized that today's the day his past will either release him or eat him whole.
Buffy saw that Mal, Zoë and Wash had joined them. Mal open his mouth to interrupt, she shook her head, letting him know not to interfere. Buffy hoped that he would stay quiet and listen to River's words. She knew he respected Book, but he could get so stupid about what he considered lying. Buffy didn't see it the same way. A person had a right to their past, and sharing it was up to them. She glanced at the stubborn Captain for a brief moment before turning back to the drama unfolding.
"Don't kill babies, don't make no kinda sense. What a baby wiggly and soft gonna do to hurt the Alliance? First thought your brain done thunk all on its own. A good thought. Took root and grew strong. Choked out the bad stuff, let your soul breath before it was too late. You ran and hid behind your sheep's clothes and the world forgot about you. You forgot you, but now you have to wake up, Darius. Their eyes are shut and won't open unless you help." River laid her head on Buffy's shoulder, closed her eyes and heaved a soft sigh against the Slayer's neck.
Buffy reached up to caress her head, whispering soft words of reassurance. "We'll give you some time alone, Book. Come find us when you're ready." She turned around to grab River's hand and lead her away. As they walked by Mal, she said, "Just follow us and don't say anything."
Mal's mouth opened and closed. Zoë took one arm while Wash took the other. They nodded at each other and started walking, dragging Mal along with them. "Wait a gorram minute," Mal said, trying to turn his head around to see Book. "I have some questions."
"Sir, have I ever asked you to do a special favor for me?" Zoë asked as she continued pulling Mal along with her.
"No. What does that…"
"I'm asking one now, sir. Leave Shepherd Book alone. He'll talk to us in his own time. You wouldn't want no one rushing' you if'n twere you in his position. Far as I'm concerned, he's earned the same courtesy," Zoë told Mal, her voice held that steel tone that Mal and Wash knew well.
"Fine. But, I'm only doing this as a special favor for you." He brushed off their hands, walking away from them.
The married couple exchanged glances, wondering what would happen next. They didn't have long to wait as they heard raised voices. Wash saw Mal grab Buffy's arm and say something to her, which she responded to by shoving him away and storming off.
He started forward, but Zoë put a hand on his chest stopping him. "Where are you going?"
"I warned him about hurting her. Don't tell me you wouldn't do the same if'n it twere the other way around," he challenged.
She removed her hand, leaning forward to kiss his lips. "You're right, husband, I would. Just remember, we don't 'preciate others butting in twixt our arguments."
"We're married and don't put our hand on each other in anger neither, wife. Mal opens his mouth afore he thinks, not caring how much his words can hurt t'others. He did it to Nara and I won't let him do the same to Buffy." Wash marched off, leaving a stunned Zoë to stare at his back.
The surviving Haven residents slowly returned to see to their dead. A teen excitedly ran up to Buffy, carrying a rifle. "Slayer, I knew you'd come. You saved us from the Reavers and came back to take out the gorram purple bellies. I helped this time, Slayer. Shot me a houzi de pigu tween the eyes like you taught me," he exclaimed proudly.
Mal's already forgetting his earlier promises turned accusing eyes on Buffy. He grabbed her arm in a vice-like grip. "Slayer, huh? No wonder you twere so quick to give Book room, cuz, you got even bigger gorram secrets of your own."
"You have to be the biggest Chuin-zi in the verse. I already know Book's story, same as he knows mine. Everyone has memories they'd rather forget, even you, Mal. Oh, sorry forgot you're perfect world on Serenity excludes you from those rules, right?" Buffy shoved him, marching away to see who needed help.
River studied Mal for several long minutes. "The funny tingles in your body make you angry. Then, the anger races up your body until it spits out your mouth all twisted and mean," she said, tilting her head back to stare into his eyes. River stepped closer, back straight, adding inches to her diminutive height; shoulders square as if ready to take on the world, and whispered, "You can't mold her or the world. If you don't learn to bend, something's going to break, won't be you that crack at the seams; it'll be her. She carries a world of pain even this verse isn't big enough to hold. Open the gates; you'll get swept aside while she falls down the rabbit hole, never to return." River gave Mal a shy smile, pivoted in the large army boots and skipped away to find Buffy.
Mal shook his head, trying to make sense of the gibberish and turned his head in time to meet Wash's fist. "Ow" echoed simultaneously in the air. The pilot shook his possibly broken hand while the captain spit blood from a busted lip. Mal rubbed a bruised and slightly swollen jaw.
Zoë walked up, shaking her head at them. "Are you okay?"
They both answered, "No." She gently took Wash's hand and probed it, ignoring the hissed curse to see if he had broken anything. Mal stared open mouthed at his second-in-command. What was this, a mutiny? Everyone decided that I'm a gorram bad guy. I always told them I was a mean old man, but I'm their mean old man. "Best be gathering up t'others. Don't see this slowing down the Alliance much."
"Captain," Zoë called out to Mal, "do you think we should warn anyone? Alliance did this to Haven when Book tweren't even flying with us no more, might do more to those we do business with regularly." Mal nodded agreeing with her idea as he headed off in the direction Buffy went. Zoë glanced over at Wash and asked, "What you gonna do now, fly Serenity like always, or help Buffy?"
"Serenity's our home and I warned Mal clear out what I'd do. If'n he ain't man enough to handle it, then he's the one been lying to us all these years and got no room to judge others." Wash kissed her cheek, gave her one of his goofy grins and walked off, whistling a silly tune.
She wasn't sure what to think about Wash's take charge attitude. It was equal parts thrilling and disconcerting. Zoë decided to leave 'her' men alone to work out their problems and went to contact their business partners, knowing that Wash wouldn't be far behind.
A shaking hand reached out to the small crumpled body partially hidden beneath the rubble. The dust fell away with a few soft brushstrokes, leaving a statue-still child to appear as if she were sleeping. Strong fingers dug beneath the fragile treasure, stealing it from its earthly prison. Stone and sand fell away as the Slayer rose, bringing the child from the dark back into the light. She cradled Keesha's small body close to her heart, wishing she could give her life for the sweet little girl's. Knowing it wasn't an option, Buffy swore that Keesha's death wouldn't be in vain.
She saw Haven's survivors slowly returning from the tunnels. Buffy didn't answer any questions or acknowledge anyone as she searched for one person among them. Everyone stopped to watch as she placed Keesha's body in her mother's waiting arms. Buffy didn't say anything. What could she say that would make a difference? Nothing could take away the pain.
Buffy started to walk away when a soft tearful voice said, "Keesha loved you. She knew you'd come to make the bad go away. Finish the job, Slayer. We know this isn't over, same as you. Do whatever needs doing so no more babies have to die, then my girl won't have died for nothing."
Without turning around, Buffy simply nodded, making a pledge that Keesha's mother and the rest of Haven knew she'd keep. River shadowed Buffy's every step with Mal not far behind. The silent Slayer returned to the shuttle not surprised to hear Mal's step join River's.
"Do I dock on Serenity or continue on with just River?" Her voice sounded as dead as she felt, as dead as Keesha.
"Just where in the gorram hell are you continuing to?"
"Miranda." River and Buffy spoke at the same time.
"Had a feeling you planned on doing something stupid, just didn't think you'd gone addlepatted too. We bought some time here to figure out what to do. Why are you in an all fired hurry to die?" Mal asked, blue eyes filled with concern roved over her stiff back. He could kick himself for doing exactly what he said he wouldn't.
"Let me show you what our friend the Operative did before he set his sights on Haven." Punching in codes on the screen, she brought up the three other remote settlements then waved Mal over.
He reluctantly walked forward somehow knowing that he wouldn't like what he was about to see. His breath escaped in a soft hiss. "Tain xiode. Where's that and what happened?"
"Those were the next three places the Slayer rescued from Reavers," she said bitterly. "Shiny Reaver ships attacked within 24 hours. They couldn't call for help or alert anyone. No survivors and the total deaths are estimated at over two thousand men, women and children." Buffy stepped away, unable to look at the pictures any longer. "Go ahead, Mal, tell me how gorram dangerous it is to know me and that having me around can get you killed." She threw the words at him, waiting for the 'I told you sos' to begin.
Mal reached out to pull her into his arms, holding her trembling body. "What you say maybe true," he felt her stiffen and try to pull away, "but the same can be said of Serenity's entire crew, 'ceptin maybe Kaylee. Guess that just makes you one of us." Buffy's body went boneless and Mal almost dropped her. He quickly gathered her close, placed a kiss on her forehead, swatted her butt and sat her on her feet. "Now, I'm aimin to misbehave, you with me?" A naughty smile spread across his lips, wrapping an arm around her waist.
"Turn it around and fool the evil then fool the purple and blue," River read Mal's mind.
Mal released Buffy to slowly walk up to the young psychic. "We need to be making some rules here, little reader. Don't rightly think it's proper like, you dipping into my brainpan that way and telling everyone my deep darks. What say you just let Serenity's crew speak on they own? Anyone else is fair game."
River tilted her head back to gaze up at him. "But, Cap'n everyone thinks so loud. It's hard to tell what's said on the inside and what's not."
She looked so forlorn that Mal was at a loss at what to do. "How about we work on it, River? We'll have to teach you to watch their body language. It's only the crew. It shouldn't be that hard, since you've studied them. Don't worry about it." Buffy gave her a reassuring smile. "Let's go finish up, we've out-stayed our welcome. I'll move the shuttle when we're ready to take off."